Home About Us Events Resources PFLAG National Library Contact Us Press		PFLAG reaches out to gays BY PAM HARBAUGH FLORIDA TODAY David Musgrove had to hit an emotional low before he could begin to heal. "I laid on a beach on my face all night long, crying out to God to take away these feelings, stop this anguish, stop this pain," Musgrove said, fighting back the tears. "I wanted to get married, have a family, do what I thought was right in the eyes of God." Growing up in a fundamentalist church and believing homosexuality was a sin, he had suppressed the feelings he had for men. He went to Bible college, became a preacher and got married. He went through so-called reparative therapy to re-learn his sexual orientation. He and his wife had two children and lived a quiet life of denial in Palm Bay. When his marriage fell apart, his wife took their two children to Pennsylvania. Musgrove was emotionally devastated. But the worst part was over. Eventually, Musgrove healed with the understanding help of his partner of 16 years, Bruce Abare. Musgrove's daughter, Jennifer, moved back to Florida to live with her father when she was 12. She grew up in a loving home with two dads who nurtured and protected her. Although Musgrove's story has a happy ending, he should not have had to go through such an emotional roller coaster because of his sexual orientation, Carole Benowitz says. As state coordinator and member of the national board of directors for PFLAG, Benowitz is coming to Brevard to speak at the monthly June 7 meeting for the Space Coast Progressive Alliance to re-start the Brevard chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Benowitz said the group supports members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community and their families and friends. "Support is the most important thing they need because some of them have lost everything, and we become their family," Benowitz said. "Many of us (have) GLBT people coming to share holidays with us. I do this. "We let them know that you are born with your sexual orientation determined from a hormonal wash that happens in utero. That we are all God's children." Benowitz was in her 40s when she found out her son was gay. He was 22 and engaged to be married. Months before the wedding, the couple ended the engagement. Her son went into a deep depression because he didn't want to tell his parents the truth, which they eventually discovered from someone else. "He thought that if he told us we would stop loving him and maybe kick him out, because some of his friends were asked to leave (home) when they came out," she said. "We confronted him and talked for hours and hours. I knew I had to educate myself and get him to a therapist who would help him accept himself. He met a wonderful young man, and he's been with him for 17 years." And, to help herself, Benowitz turned to PFLAG. "As a mom, I had no one to ask questions or get support from," she said. "We saw an advertisement for a PFLAG meeting, and I very nervously called up, because this was our secret, and I spoke to a woman who invited us to the meeting. She also said, 'It's not your fault.' "Finding out that he was gay, my whole world crashed. I thought he would never have somebody, that if he wanted a family, this would not happen. I worried about his having the same equality that I had and wanted him to be happy most of all. He said that he was unhappy and he had to go down the road to accepting himself. I was worried that he would be harassed, maybe even somebody would hurt him. "That is why education is so important." Irene DiMinno of Melbourne was a former president of the Brevard chapter of PFLAG, which closed about three years ago. She was overjoyed when she heard another chapter would be forming. "People need to get together and talk, parents especially," DiMinno said. "Parents feel these great things for their children, and they need to air them. They need to know there are other parents like them." DiMinno, who was in her 70s when she found out her son was gay, said PFLAG helped her come to terms with her feelings. "I was so fraught with emotion that I was in tears," she said. "I listened to the rest of the people talk. I listened to parents speak about their children lovingly, about their experience when their children came out, what they did. It was a nice, family type of atmosphere. People were very sympathetic and said it was the way they felt. They were very nice and accepting." It's that type of wholesome, supportive atmosphere that Palm Bay resident Lexi Wright wants for her two children. She and her lesbian partner have lived together for four years. They are raising Wright's two children from a previous marriage. "My son was 7 when I divorced his dad and 9 when I got together with my partner," Wright said. "He struggled with it a little bit. It's hard enough for kids at this age. He's 13. Hard enough for them to get along and deal with peer pressure without having the added stress of feeling like they're the only ones in the world to have an unusual or alternative family." Wanting her children not to feel like outcasts, she turned to the PFLAG chapter in Vero Beach, which was helping to form Gay Straight Alliance organizations in area high schools. Now 20, Jennifer Musgrove proudly brought her 11-month-old son, Edward David (named after her father), to see his grandfathers at a Gay Pride Picnic held Sunday afternoon at the Living Room of Brevard in Melbourne. She said a PFLAG chapter could be helpful to kids just learning that their parents are gay. "Me, personally, I grew up with it," Musgrove said. "I didn't care that my parents were gay. It didn't bother me at all. I didn't need a support group. But I'm sure there are some kids, when their parents divorce and their dad or mom say 'I'm gay,' they'd need the support."